Have you ever felt left out of sisterhood? We have celebrated sisterhood thus far. This episode is a safe space that takes on a different perspective. What about those who have felt left out of sisterhood? Episode 2 features Sahara an amazing person. She is the muse behind this podcast concept and has accomplished a lot in her career, but has never felt truly welcomed into sisterhood. We had an honest conversation about her experience and she provides some comforting words for those who can relate to her experience. Tap in and listen.
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and make sure you binge-watch her critically acclaimed show. "The Rich and The Ruthless"
Watch a preview here:
and you can catch her show on UMC or where ever UMC shows are streamed as the show has been picked up for a 4th Season!
Send me a voicemail or an email and let me know about your hurts and trauma in sisterhood:
HeyAesha@Gmail.Com or 909-748-5331
Voicemail is preferred please make sure that the voicemail is no more than 2 minutes and you can choose to remain anonymous. You may also share your name a social media handles as you may be featured on a future episode of the pod (it's completely your choice).
Today's music was composed by Sarah The Instrumentalist.
"Biltmore Hills"
Hey Aesha (00:00):
Sisterhood is dope. Sisterhood is awesome. Sisterhood is Healing. Sisterhood is love. Sisterhood is the crux of some of our existences. Some of us would not be who we are today
Hey Aesha (00:21):
Without the bonds that we have formed
Hey Aesha (00:24):
Through sisterhood. But
Hey Aesha (00:26):
What if you could say the opposite?
Hey Aesha (00:30):
What if sisterhood
Hey Aesha (00:32):
Was hurt andsisterhood had wounded, you and sisterhood felt lonely... Today, we're going to explore a different perspective from what we explored last week, and we're going to do this via a conversation with the young woman that I call my muse. We're going to do what we said ---exactly--- what we said we were going to do. When we first signed up to take this journey, we are going to write a love letter and an ode to sisterhood, but that does not mean that we are not going to hold it accountable. We're going to deconstruct it. And we are going to reconstruct it. And this conversation with Sahara, a young woman that I call my muse for this podcast, she is going to help us do that in a very honest and earnest conversation. We're going to dive into that and, and jump straight into it.
Hey Aesha (01:32):
And you're going to hear from Sahara and hear my conversation with Sahara. But first we're going to jump into the feature business of the day. And for those of you who don't know, this is ¡Sis! the Podcast and I'm your host, Hey Aesha. And after these messages, we'll be right back with a quick note from Sahara and then our conversation. Thank you for listening....
Hey Aesha (01:58):
Are you a tall girl? Maybe you just got tall energy. Maybe you just hate having young clothing. You know how it is sis! The pants that have your ankles exposed, the shirts that have your forearms exposed and the struggle of finding joggers that fit. frame just right. You either have to buy the men's sizes, which are baggy and not flattering to the shape, or you buy the women's sizes and what's supposed to be at your ankles is at your calves.
Hey Aesha (02:33):
I beg you check out. Weexist, tall girls do me a favor right now, hop on the ole, Instagram, check out. Weexist. That's W E X I S T I N C. @WexistInc. On Instagram, or you can shop with them at, we exist Inc com. That's www that https://www.wexistinc.com/ and of course sis, you know, I got you, I'm going to put the name of the business, how it's spelled the website, where you can shop in the show notes. And with that, we're going to jump right back into the show with opening thoughts from Sahara. Let's go,
Sahara (03:21):
Hi, I'm Sarah I'm 29. And I live in California. Um, sisterhood has never been something that I have had major experience with. Um, and I think that maybe it could be because I've always been independent goal-oriented and I stay in my own lane.
Sahara (03:48):
Um, I've never really felt the need or want to depend on other women. Um, but that doesn't mean that I would ever deny an invitation to sisterhood of any sort. Um, I just never quite received that invitation. And I think maybe that's the most hurtful part about it, but I do see how sisterhood could be extremely helpful for a lot of women.
Hey Aesha (04:21):
I've got a very special guest here with me today and she was the perfect person to be my first guest on the show. Her name is Sahara, and you guys met her in the first act, and we are going to have a conversation about her experience. But first, let me tell you why Sahara had to be my first guest. Sahara is my muse for this podcast. It was through conversation with her that I was able to have an aha moment. So we're going to make this long story as short as possible. Ride with me for a second here, I met Sahara basically online, and we had a lot of great conversations. We had mutual friends, we decided to meet up. I seen her perform. Uh, she's amazing at what she does. And I decided that this is my friend. This is my internet friend, who is now my real life friend. I was bragging about sisterhood one day on my story and Sahara in a very vulnerable moment, reached out to me and said, you know what? I haven't had that same exact experience in sisterhood. And she said, also talking about Black sisterhood. She had not had that same moment within sisterhood. And normally, like I told you all in the trailer, when people tell me things like that, I run for the Hills because I'm thinking this person has interpersonal issues and I don't want to be party to their mess, but Sahara was different.
Hey Aesha (06:00):
I had had so many positive interactions with her, both online in real life. And knowing that she's got a good heart and a great spirit, I was pressed to ask her, well, tell me more about that. And then what ensued was a conversation where we, uh, really talked about why from that moment on, I had this aha pop into my head. I had been judging people because they didn't have the same experience that I had with sisterhood. And having that vulnerable conversation with Sahara it---, I felt what's the word I felt convicted because how many times had I missed an opportunity to welcome someone into sisterhood, to extend that olive branch and let them know that, Hey, sis you never had it before, but let's work on building that for you. Now, all I had to do was ask why. And so Sahara is my muse for this show. I just kept asking different questions and thinking, and then I came up with this concept. So this is why she had to be the first guest on the show. I'm going to stop talking and I'm going to start talking to Sahara so you guys can get to know her and love her like I do.
Sahara (07:13):
I appreciate, um, your listening ear. I appreciate your understanding and willingness to understand, because a lot of people, um, don't quite have that yet.
Hey Aesha (07:27):
That's one thing that you said to me too, I didn't really get that. And I remember that stood out to me cause you're like, thank you because this conversation could have went way different. And I'm like, so people are really out here banging on you or going off on you just because you don't share their same experience.
Both Speakers (07:44):
Yeah. Yeah. Oh,
Sahara (07:46):
And I think, especially with other women too, um, uh, they kind of get in their own kind of complacent or I guess complacent ways. Like, you know, they have their friends, they have their clique and everything and it's like, Oh, well, you're not like me. So moving on.
Hey Aesha (08:03):
Right. And it's so important not to be clique-ish. I think that was one thing that my mother really always taught me when she would see me clicking up, she would pull me to the side and be like, Hey you, she was like, right. 90% of the time. Exactly.
Both Speakers (08:25):
As much as you don't want to admit it, mama knows.
Hey Aesha (08:28):
She knows, um, maybe not know everything, but she knows some things. So we talked a little bit about your experience in the first act. I played your voice note that you sent to me about your experience, but let's talk a little bit more about that experience because you talked about you thinking that your independence and your indivi---individuality has always made you, um, kind of just solo. So you first noticed that, like, were you very, did you notice that from young or like when was the first time you had that epiphany?
Sahara (09:03):
I think I definitely noticed it when I was younger. Um, especially being in beauty pageants for so long. And then going straight into the entertainment industry at a really young age. Um, it kind of, uh, I can honestly say that it did kind of hinder me a little bit in a social aspect. Um, I think that being so young and being so focused on like a goal or whatever, maybe it was a little bit off putting, maybe it's still off putting to other people. Um, however, I've always tried to reach out to other women, other girls and things like that, and kind of been pushed away to the point where it was like, okay, well then I'm just gonna stay in my own lane and do me. And if someone wants to be my friend, then I am all open, arms everything. But, um, I think that that independence and individuality did kind of hinder that situation, but I'm not so sure why it hindered it so much. So I think like really that's, that's kind of the main question that I've always kind of pondered.
Hey Aesha (10:25):
I think, you know, everybody has their own portion or they have their own cross or they have their own challenge that they have to overcome. And while I haven't had the same exact experience as you, I can relate to it on a real level because I've always just been different. I've always just in between being like with you being in pageants and you being in the entertainment industry from a very young age, you've seen a lot more than probably like the average person. So your world view was probably a lot larger, right. That changes you. Like, even with me, my parents required that I traveled domestically and also like leaving the country and that even like to the point where kids would be like, Oh, you're lying. You don't go to these places or, Oh, you think you're better than this because you go to those places.
Hey Aesha (11:17):
So, um, wow. What I love about you though, from this experience, from what you've told me is like, you didn't let it get you bitter or like make you mad. And you're just like, well, if somebody wants to be my friend and like a true friend comes along, then we'll rock with it. If not, I'm not going to go chasing it. And I think a lot of people get bitter where they're just like, if I can't be with the crowd, then I'm about to be a villain or I'm about to, you know, they kind of take on a different persona. And so what, how do you, where did that come from for you? Like how did you still keep that openness, despite being told that, you know, are, are often being rejected, how did you still keep that openness, amidst the hurt?
Sahara (12:04):
I can honestly attest that to my mom because I have had those moments where I was like, well, you know, I'll just, you know, screw everybody else. Like I I'll just be me and I'm just not going to care about them. I'm going to do whatever I want to do. And you know, my mom's always been that one. Like, don't be like, that is going to be okay. Like, you know, constantly instilling that in me. And as I've gotten older and more mature and really able to understand that everybody has their own thing going on, they all have their own struggles, their own storms or whatever. Um, I think that that has helped me to realize that I need to stay true to myself and try to be as good or helpful or whatever it is to other people as I can be. I need to do my role, whether I get anything out of it or not. I need to continuously be who I am, which is honestly a person who enjoys being generous and enjoys, um, sharing laughter or a listening ear, things like that.
Hey Aesha (13:24):
That's amazing. That's amazing. Like your heart. I just, I don't get people, whatever they're missing, it's definitely their loss for sure. Um, and now can I brag on you a little bit because no, I didn't want to like be like, Oh, you know, uh, I didn't want to seem like I was cloud chasing or trying to like capitalize off of who you are as a person. So we didn't talk about, we've kind of casually glossed over like You know, she's a whole actress all whole like thespian out here. Um, so yeah, I got to see Sahara perform in a production of Aida. And I was like, girl, I knew you were talented, but dang, like after that, Oh, um, just seeing you dancing and singing and acting and it's straight up triple threat and then had the nerve to bring me some chocolates and a little gift for coming to her show.
Hey Aesha (14:28):
I was like, hold on. So I say that to say that I've seen your heart in action, and this is not just lip service. Like I've seen you encourage me whenever I win online. If you see me doing something, you're always like giving me a hurrah at-a-girl, you know? And so the listeners who don't know you y'all can definitely, you know, she's been out here working and she's still humble, sweet and kind, despite having a certain level of success in the industry where most people can not get that same level of success. So, um, I just had to stop and brag on you for a second.
Sahara (15:11):
Thank you.
Hey Aesha (15:14):
So we had a conversation specifically about, we went into depth about Black sisterhood and you mentioned to me how that was the most disappointing part of it. All that you had had really had an even harder time forging sisterhoods with Black women. And one of the things that stuck out to me was you said, I'm always rooting for us. Um, and she's, and you said this is specifically why it hurts so much, um, that, that hit my heart. That hurt me when I heard you say that I felt it. Um, even just through, I actually didn't hear you say it read itand I couldn't believe what I was reading. So how have you been able to cope with that throughout the years? And do you still feel the same way that you felt when we had that? Um, do you still feel that same hurt where we had that exchange months ago?
Sahara (16:14):
Um, I, I mean, I can't say that I feel much different than when we had that exchange, but again, I, I will always like try my best to stay true to myself. Like I will always, always, always root for Black women and, you know, show my support, everything that I have done. Like as far as my acting my, any success that I've had acting school, whatever has always been mostly for other little Black girls that have a dream that, that sees somebody doing something that they want to do. Because obviously at some point or another, I was a little Black girl that I was watching a juicy juice commercial. And I said, mommy, I want to be on the TV like them. And I did it. And so like, I want to be our, yeah, I want to be that person who inspires other little black girls and who encourages Black women, um, constantly.
Sahara (17:21):
And so I guess that that is where the hurt comes from because I don't always have that, um, acceptance from them. Um, even though I love Black women and I, I can be friends with literally any type of Black women from any class status, whatever. Um, and that's the coolest thing to me. Um, like having the actual sisterhood, having that actual, having that person, I can go to like sort of as a mentor, that's never happened for me. And, um, it kinda sucks. Uh, but I feel like as long as I can do whatever it is I can do and I can be that encourager then, you know, I guess that's, that's just the thing.
Hey Aesha (18:11):
Right? Right. Sometimes the thing that we want, I'm just thinking, I'm thinking sometimes the thing that we want or we feel we're lacking, like you're going to be that, like you said, you're going to be that for somebody else. And while I, that's not like the most comforting thing. Right. Because it's like, yeah, I want what I want. I'm longing for this for a reason, God put this desire in your heart, these thoughts in your heart for a reason. And I do think that you will get it, um, one day. And I do think you will build it. But I think that, and I, I don't have a crystal ball, but I'm just speaking from the heart. I think that when you create it more and more people will seek you out. Because right now, like we talked about people are working off of assumption, but as they get to know you and, and they're going to be like, what?
Hey Aesha (19:09):
Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, I, I remember the first time that I met you, it was like, I had never done anything like that since we were literally just like, didn't really know each other and was like, let's go to like, you know what I'm saying? I was like, wow, like, number one, this could have went really, really bad, but it went really good. And I was like, yo, I'm doing this again. So like that one interaction with you open me up to like, you know, to be like, yeah, she's cool. And also I'm going to try this more in the future as well, too. So I just feel like as you become what you didn't have for others, I think it's going to open you up for so much. Um, as, so this is I absolutely, I, I, I have faith, you know, you and I share that in common. We are a women of faith and I have faith and I affirm that God is going to grant the desires of your heart in this matter. For sure. My last question, I think this is my last question, because you might say something, Oh, what you've been doing this whole time? What advice would you give to someone who shares your same struggle? Or maybe even young Saharas that like, they they're listening to this and they're like, wow, I'm going through the same thing. What would you, what advice would you give them?
Sahara (20:43):
Um, I think I would give them my mom's advice, which is persevere, persevere, persevere. Um, that's like her favorite word. And, um, yeah, I, I would just tell either young me or anyone else that has experienced the same type of experiences as me to continue to be strong in your faith and to continue being yourself. Don't let other people, don't let other people's actions change. You don't let them determine who you're going to be and how you're going to react, continue to do whatever it is that you set out to do and continue to have a good heart. Don't do anything with the expectation of getting something in return. Um, because I think that that's, that's the problem that a lot of people have, they do things and they're like, well, when are you going to pay me back? When are you going to show me the same type of courtesy or whatever, do things out of the kindness of your heart and good things will come from that. Um, whether it's actual tangible items or it's a relationship or whatever, continue to have that good heart, the good spirit and a great attitude, and really great things will come from that.
Hey Aesha (22:15):
Well, thank you for that. Uh, I feel like part of that message was for me and also thank you to your mom for that persevere. That's the word of the day? Persevere, persevere, persevere. I truly appreciate your time. I appreciate your vulnerability, your honesty. I appreciate your heart. And before we finish up our conversation today, is there anything that you're promoting? Is there someplace you want people to follow you at or anything that you want to say to these people before we end our conversation?
Sahara (22:52):
Um, well, I mean, if anyone wants to follow me, you can find me at @SaharanotSasha on Instagram. That's one of my favorite platforms. Um, I haven't been posting as much since I've been with child, but, um, I'll be posting a lot more soon. Um, I am well we're fingers crossed looking forward to, I think it's our fourth season of the Rich and the Ruthless, which is currently on UMC.tv. Um, it's a comedic take on a soap opera. It's a Black soap opera, super hilarious. Um, it's written and directed by Victoria Rowell from the young and the restless. And so, um, I would say check that out. Um, you won't disappointed
Sahara (23:46):
And yeah, that's, that's really about that.
Hey Aesha (23:48):
I'm going to put links to her show and her Instagram handle spelled out, even the show notes, make sure you follow her. And she just subtly drops like I'm with child. I love how you just slide you. It's just so smooth. Sahara. I use slide it on right in there. Yes. Gradually save that. Oh, look, you did it. So it was Suave- like Suavemente you just slid it on right on in there. I just want to say congratulations to you. Um, and yeah, y'all make sure you follow my girl sis! I am just wishing for your, your healing from some of those past hurts. Um, I'm, I'm praying for you to have the desires of your heart met through the sisterhoods that you are looking to forge and just praying over your career and everything. Cause the best is yet to come for you, praying for you as a new mommy. Uh, y'all gonna remember this name and this conversation for sure. Thank you so much. Sahara.
Sahara (24:57):
Thank you.
Hey Aesha (25:00):
Thank you so much for listening to Sahara's conversation today, I wanted to create a safe space where women who feel like Sahara, who have had the same experience could speak and share what they've been through without feeling like they were going to be attacked for sharing what they have been through. I hope that the next time you hear someone say they don't really mess with females or that they've never really been able to connect with other women or sisterhood. I hope that like me, you are changed via this conversation and that you can maybe just say, tell me a little bit more about that. Of course, I'm not telling you to try to have this conversation with other people all the time. Some people are just problematic, but you'll know when it feels right. And you'll know when you need to do this and sis, I hope you do it quickly.
Hey Aesha (25:57):
I'm going to share a moment about when I became a better sister. I remember having some beefs with people and I was just running into situations where I was losing friends. I thought I had a friend and then they betrayed me. This was in my early twenties. Over 10 years ago, I was really in my feelings like, God, why is this happening to me? Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I have better friends? And that still and small, quiet voice spoke to me clearly and said, if you want better friends, you have to be a better friend. I'm not saying that to say you or Sahara needs to be a better friend or that anybody's a trash friend. I'm just sharing what made me be a better friend and get better. Uh, in building sisterhoods with other women, I started to be the friend that I felt like I needed.
Hey Aesha (26:59):
And so Harris speaking about how she's keeping her heart open, despite being disappointed really took me back to that conversation. I kept my heart open and I paid attention. The lessons I learned through the Betrayals that I experienced. And I simply poured my heart out to the women who were showing me that they were giving the same type of love that I was giving. I was able to receive great love because I gave great love. And I have faith. I have Matthew 21:21 mountain moving faith that Sahara is going to become the sister that she never had. And she is going to build some great loving friendships and sis, if you've ever felt like Sahara and you have the same mentality, or if you've ever felt like Sahara and hearing her perspective has changed your heart in and helped you to start opening back up your heart.
Hey Aesha (28:08):
Again, sis I pray that for you, you are going to build and create awesome friendships and sisterhoods that you never had before. Now we're going to take a short break, a short little siesta. There won't be a full episode next week, but I want you to tell me about your hearts in sisterhood. And I'm opening the lines back up. I want you to tell me if you feel like Sahara, where you never had those strong bonds. Tell me about it. If you've been betrayed and you're scared to open back up your heart. I want you to tell me about it. If you're not really sure that you could form bonds with other women, I want you to just be transparent. And tell me about it. You can tell me your name and where you're from, or you don't even have to reveal who you are and you can send me an email.
Hey Aesha (29:04):
Let me know if you want to remain anonymous or you can send me a voicemail, which I prefer because I would love to add it into our next mailbag episode. And you can send me that information too. Hey Aisha, at gmail.com, Hey, Aisha is spelled just like it is on the cover or you could actually send me a voicemail to area code (909) 748-5331 that's nine zero nine seven four eight five three three one. Make sure it's no more than two minutes and just make sure that you come from the heart. That's the main criteria. Make sure that you're coming from the heart until next time says my wish for you is that peace, joy and abundance flows through your life. Like water flows through rocks. I pray that you are well, stay away from La Corona and the Ronee RoanRone Roni. I pray that you meet some dope sisters and until next time, peace.